Increasingly in China, parents of gay children are not only accepting their sexuality & trying to help other families of LGBT kids
Every Chinese queer teen must dread the thought of coming out to the parents. A face off with the demon force of 2,000 years of Confucian traditions is no joke. While China is blessed with a largely secular nation – there is little right wing Christian or Islamic homophobia for instance – mainland parents dream of their offspring getting hitched and carrying on the family name with a child of their own. A gay son or daughter is an unwelcome spanner in the works that can bring on anything from tears to the outright severance of family ties. No wonder so many lesbians and gays keep their sexuality under wraps and even get married to fulfill familial obligations - the ultimate sacrifice.
So when 18-year-old Zheng Yuantao in the southern Chinese city of Guangzhou told his mother he liked boys, he must have been delighted by her reaction. Wu Youjian didn't cry, introduce him to hot women or disown him. Instead she taught herself how to use a computer, got herself a Sina blog, and put their story online in the hope she could help other gay and lesbian children come out to their parents. In just six months her site had clocked up 100,000 hits and she had earned the affection of hundreds of gays and lesbians who now call her Auntie Wu.
Wu, a writer and editor by profession and a self-confessed liberal, said she found it easy to deal with her son's sexuality because by the time, "Yuantao came out to me… I had read a lot of gay-themed books and movies (by his recommendation). Besides he had also been a good boy in school and in the family; he never made us worried."
And therein lies the key, she says. If you want to come out to your parents do some groundwork first and feed your parents information on what being gay is all about before coming out to them. "Always make sure your parents have some understanding and acceptance of homosexuality before coming out to them," she advises.
"Coming out to younger, trustworthy members of the family first might also help." It also helps if you work hard in school and, in all ways, are an exemplary son or daughter.
"Just make sure you're well behaved [and a good student]," she says. This "can hopefully give you more credit when you try to convince your parents that you are gay and it's fine." But, Wu adds, not all gay children should feel they have to tell their family their sexuality. "If the parent-child relationship hasn't been close then I don't think they should tell."
Of course it helps if your parents are bohemian. But their story is not an isolated case. Now, increasingly in China, parents of gay children are not only accepting their sexuality but trying to help other families in the same situation support each other. See Dinah Gardner's full report @ mum, dad, i'm gay
So when 18-year-old Zheng Yuantao in the southern Chinese city of Guangzhou told his mother he liked boys, he must have been delighted by her reaction. Wu Youjian didn't cry, introduce him to hot women or disown him. Instead she taught herself how to use a computer, got herself a Sina blog, and put their story online in the hope she could help other gay and lesbian children come out to their parents. In just six months her site had clocked up 100,000 hits and she had earned the affection of hundreds of gays and lesbians who now call her Auntie Wu.
Wu, a writer and editor by profession and a self-confessed liberal, said she found it easy to deal with her son's sexuality because by the time, "Yuantao came out to me… I had read a lot of gay-themed books and movies (by his recommendation). Besides he had also been a good boy in school and in the family; he never made us worried."
And therein lies the key, she says. If you want to come out to your parents do some groundwork first and feed your parents information on what being gay is all about before coming out to them. "Always make sure your parents have some understanding and acceptance of homosexuality before coming out to them," she advises.
"Coming out to younger, trustworthy members of the family first might also help." It also helps if you work hard in school and, in all ways, are an exemplary son or daughter.
"Just make sure you're well behaved [and a good student]," she says. This "can hopefully give you more credit when you try to convince your parents that you are gay and it's fine." But, Wu adds, not all gay children should feel they have to tell their family their sexuality. "If the parent-child relationship hasn't been close then I don't think they should tell."
Of course it helps if your parents are bohemian. But their story is not an isolated case. Now, increasingly in China, parents of gay children are not only accepting their sexuality but trying to help other families in the same situation support each other. See Dinah Gardner's full report @ mum, dad, i'm gay
posted by Tom Jackson @ 1/07/2008 12:45:00 PM
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