Love is winning out: How an ex-gay conference sharpened my focus

by Melanie Smigielski
03-09-2006

It has been two weeks since Focus on the Family’s big ex-gay extravaganza came to town, transforming a local suburban megachurch into the “Love Won Out” headquarters. The media frenzy has fizzled and Dr. James Dobson’s army is long-gone, but the day’s impact remains. I was so moved, so enlightened by their message, that I feel I truly walked away from the experience a changed person.

No, it’s not what you might think — I’m still a lesbian.

Actually, those who attended the Feb. 25 conference at the Evangelical Free Church in order to be “cured” of their homosexuality may have left feeling a bit disappointed — but not empty-handed, of course. There were scores of books promoted throughout the day with encouraging titles like “You Don’t Have to Be Gay,” conveniently for sale in the church’s foyer. Representatives of groups such as Exodus International were stationed at tables, armed with pamphlets offering “reparative therapy” and invitations to support groups.

There was also one breakout session entitled “Help for Those Who Struggle.” Alan Chambers, President of Exodus International, led the discussion. The best he had to offer was a prayer he used during his journey out of homosexuality: “Help me to deny what may come naturally to me.” Chambers also warned us that same-sex attraction “may never go away,” but enthusiastically assured us that living a life of denial brings “joy incomparable.”

It doesn’t sound too joyful to me. The statement also seemed to spark some discomfort in my fellow audience members. I could almost hear the hopes for a blissful straight life crashing to the ground around me.

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